Beyond Affirmation

Yes, you are beautiful. But Jesus is eternally awe-inspiring.

Anna Karenina is the most recent classic I’ve read, and it has rightfully wreaked havoc of the noblest nature upon my mind. In this book, Leo Tolstoy writes of a heart-stoppingly beautiful woman who gives up all she has in order to pursue the all-consuming love she shares with a man. If written within the last one hundred years, I would suspect the following sentence to read: After a few entertaining obstacles, and learning that true love perseveres, they lived “happily ever after.” This, however, is not the ending Tolstoy provides. In fact, the most beautiful woman and the most charming man end up victims to the worst kind of tragedy.

This story is only one example of how the world’s definition of beauty and true love have not provided what was promised. There is an age-old lie that permeates throughout every society, targeting any and every woman. It is the notion that beauty leads to success. Then success, in turn, leads to happiness (whatever that may be—love, money, etc.). The story of Anna Karenina proves otherwise. The stunning, enviable, enchanting woman became subject to the bloodiest end.

No other topic could make me feel like more of a hypocrite. How can I, a young woman who struggles daily with vanity, comparison, and insecurity, dare to write about such a universal struggle? At different times while reading Anna Karenina, I wanted to be more like that flawless woman. I wanted her charm, her ability to attract, her perfection. I wrongly assumed all would turn out well for her. I believed the lie that Tolstoy masterfully demolished.

I write not because I have fabricated my own solution nor because I have fully vanquished this foe of insecurity. I write because Scripture encourages us to comfort others “by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God” (2 Corinthians 1:4). In exhaustion from battling the voices that brought me low because of my looks, I turned to the pages of Scripture, pen in hand. I did not come really expecting an answer to the current struggle I was facing, but God gave me truth that directly applied nonetheless. This truth brought me to repentance and then to freedom.

To accept a new way of thinking, I first had to recognize the methods that were not working. Instead of listening to influencers, I wanted an answer from God Himself, the Creator of womankind. What I had previously been taught about how to deal with body image struggles never solved the root issue. I believe the cure to this paralyzing mental plague goes beyond most modern strategies, primarily that of self-affirmation.

Before every reader recants me as a writer for speaking ill of affirmation, please have a moment of patience as I explain. Understand that I have no qualifications, no more than a mind that won’t stop exploring, a love for the study of Scripture, and an eye for noticing the nuances of life. With these I come before you as a friend, carrying an exciting new understanding of how I have learned to deal with my insecurities. Take my humble advice as such. Know that I believe affirmation is powerful. Repeating truth to oneself is effective. I am not dismissing that. When I refer to the “weakness” of self-affirmation, I am not referring to quoting Scripture or stating truth about God.

Nevertheless, I propose that the common use of affirmation often has a weak foundation. In my experience, it has little power against the intruding lies. This is because these terms or phrases that are designed to encourage are, more often than not, built upon the greatness and wonder of self. I too am guilty of the bright pink sticky note plastered on the bathroom mirror. Words of truth are food for the soul. I believe this. But sometimes, my feelings and the spiraling doubts in my mind feel too loud and too real. Dare I say, I don’t think the phrases I AM BEAUTIFUL or I LOVE THE WAY I AM are strong enough to truly change the body image epidemic. Even reading “I am fearfully and wonderfully made” doesn’t always make me feel better.

The problem with the affirmation method is that it is primarily self-focused. Self is where the insecurity started. If self is where the problem began, it cannot be where the solution is found. When David writes, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made,” he is following the phrase, “I will praise thee.” In Psalm 139, David is expressing an awe for God and the intimacy of His relationship with Him. In contrast to what looking solely at that phrase from verse 114 would suggest, David is not pointlessly listing all the qualities about himself that he loves. Rather, he is worshipping God for who He is. Out of this reverence and humility, David makes that famous claim of how he was made—“fearfully and wonderfully.” The emphasis is not on what was made, but on who the Maker is.

When my outlook is limited to the mirror, Instagram, TV shows, unhealthy relationships, and a pithy phrase of unhelpful affirmation on my lock screen, I am setting myself up for mental and emotional failure. Hence, the bathroom meltdowns and late-night tears. In contrast, when I widen my eyes and open my heart to seek the face of the Almighty, the mirror fades along with everything temporal. When I recognize that the brilliance of my body only magnifies the Maker, I learn to value it for what it is—a means by which God reveals Himself. After all, we carry the image of God.

God is so much bigger than we give Him credit for. When Solomon built an elaborate and extensive temple to house the presence of God, he recognized that a building, even of this magnitude, could not be grand enough to contain Him. Solomon says, “But will God in very deed dwell with men on the earth? behold, heaven and the heaven of heavens cannot contain thee; how much less this house which I have built!” (2 Chronicles 6:18) While an earthly building cannot contain all the grandeur of the Creator, God chose to impart his presence upon the temple: “…the glory of the LORD had filled the house of God.” (2 Chronicles 5:14)

Just like the temple, my body is limited and earthly. But as a child of God, redeemed by the blood of Christ, and sealed with eternal life, God chooses to reside in me. My body now houses the literal presence of God! This should utterly revolutionize the way I view my body. Instead of being a curse, an object, or a muse, my body is now a tool, a vessel, and a means by which I can glorify God. If Solomon was humbled by God entering the impressive building he had made, how much more should I be humbled by God entering my body?

What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost [which is] in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.

[1 Corinthians 6:19-20 KJV]

My soul has not only been reconciled to God, but also my body has been redeemed for the purpose of glorifying God. With it, I deny the flesh, serve others, and show Christ to the lost. It has been redefined and my view of it should be changed. While there may be parts of my body that I wish to change, I ultimately know that I am not designed to please the sight of man, but rather to point the sight of man toward God. He is the only One worthy of complete adoration.

These physical bodies, with all their ailments and imperfections, will not last forever in their current state. There is a guaranteed promise of bodily transformation (1 Corinthians 15:51-54). Until then, we can be free from our insecurities. Self-love and affirmation may cool the burning and soften the ache, but true healing is found through looking past the temporal body and up to Jesus. In this transcendant view, one can finally understand the true purpose of the physical body.

Just like any spiritual discipline, reclaiming the moments spent in self-deprecation will take practice and intentionality. It all begins with allowing the greatness of God redefine every part of us, even our physical bodies. Then we must submit our bodies to God so that we may glorify Him. It is impossible to separate our physical bodies from the service we perform for God: giving to others, singing praises, ministering in the church, discipling others, telling unbelievers about Jesus, etc. When you see all that your physical body is able to accomplish for the glory of God, you will begin to be grateful for this vessel. Even in eating, drinking, exercising, adorning oneself, scrolling, watching entertainment, and cleansing oneself, I believe there is a way in which we can bring glory to God. Invite God into those ordinary moments, especially if they tend to be moments of temptation.

As seen in Anna Karenina, relentlessly pursuing the world’s definition of beauty will only lead to heartache. Beautifying yourself in goldiness, holiness, and the fruit of the Spirit will only lead to true joy. Yes, you are beautiful. But Jesus is eternally awe-inspiring. Take your eyes off the mirror and point them towards the star-filled sky, the pages of Scripture, and the One that saved your soul.